By: Hank Egelman
Valentine’s day is a Christian tradition first celebrated in the 17th century in honour of a martyred saint killed by beheading. But since then, it’s morphed from a simple religious holiday to a shameless corporate greedfest for companies who want to cash in on flowers, chocolate, and highly-responsive semi-sentient humanoid pleasurebots.
Reliably, every year, we tell ourselves we’re going to leave out all the commercialism of Valentines day. We’re going to spend it with friends, or stay in and have some me time with a bottle of wine and something on Netflix. But then, stopping by Shopper’s to pick up Benadryl, we walk past the “seasonal” isle, and we’re suddenly bombarded with invitations to indulge in no-strings-attached cyberotic stimulation. And the next thing we know, we’re trudging home through the February snow loaded down with double-bagged armfuls of Ferrero Rocher and supple android limbs.
Look, it’s understandable. Last year, when the software update on your brand-new Silichoney TM model failed to complete, you swore off anthropomorphized creatures of science that know just how you like it for good. But when February 14th rolls in, and you look around to see all the other customers at the grocery store picking up bouquets of roses to carry home to the waiting arms of their self-lubricating robot paramours, you know you can’t resist.
Of course, it would be oh-so easy to fill a bathtub full of champagne, put on some John Legend, and set out a pail of sand in case of electrical fire. Surrendering to the tender caresses and clear, unmoving eyes of an exciting new Torque Aqualine Sexbot would be as easy as flicking the on-switch connected to the chromium plate in the small of her back. But this year, why not celebrate Valentine’s day with something a little less corporate. Light some scented candles, whip up a nice dinner, put on your safety goggles, and spend some time getting closer to the cyborgs that have lived in your pleasure room all along.
I know that’s what I’ll be doing.
