LOS ANGELES – Animal Planet executives have been inundated with accusations that the squeaky balls used during the annual Puppy Bowl were severely deflated to fit the needs of lead quarter and adorable black Labrador retriever mix, Muffins.
Regulations state that the squeaky balls must inflate within two seconds of being squeezed by a puppy’s precious tiny teeth. However, puppies from the opposing side have complained that, had the ball been properly inflated, Muffins would have fumbled the ball long ago in the face of their defensive tactics of play-bowing with their front legs, barking incessantly and running around in a circle before gnawing on Muffins’ cute little floppy ears.
In what has been dubbed on Twitter #PuppyDeflateGate, the controversy has drawn a wide reaction ranging from, “Aww! Look at those little puppies! They’re soooo cute!” to “OMG! Did you see the little brindle Boston Terrier? I want to snuggle him forever!” to “Clearly if Muffins is going to rig the system to maintain an artificial advantage, then his team should be penalized by losing a first round draft pick and paying a fine of no less than 100,000 biscuits.”
At press time, kittens don’t give a fuck about squeaky balls. Or you.
