ENVIRA RIVER, BRAZIL — In a statement yesterday, representatives from the Ashaninka tribe located in a remote region of the Amazon rainforest announced to reporters that they had begun ordering items from Amazon.com
“A few weeks ago, when we first made contact with another civilization, we were naturally fearful of our cultural traditions being overwhelmed,” said an Ashaninkana spokesperson through a translator. “But when we we were told how we could order taco kits, Kleenex, and most of the James Bond movies on Blu Ray, all through one convenient website, we got super into it.”
Although logistical problems including the rough jungle terrain and outdated maps have caused significant logistical problems for the online giant, including the disappearance of several delivery men, Amazon seemed excited to have gained a new customer base.
“We’re delighted to have spread brought the spirit innovation that defines Amazon culture to a place that didn’t have it before,” spokesperson Kinley Pearsall told reporters yesterday.
However, several members of the Ashaninka are beginning to express some misgivings about the new service.
“I really like the convenience, but I can’t be at home to receive my orders all the time, and when I’m not, they just leave a pickup sticker, which is annoying because the post office is 1,348 kilometres away,” said one tribe member.
“Plus the impulse purchase factor is a killer–I got a slurpee machine for $87 bucks and I was like, yes! But then I remembered that sugar attracts deadly banana spiders, so it was just a big waste.”
At press time the Ashaninka had opted not to get Amazon prime, choosing to use their money on Netflix instead.
