TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt.
Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a means to get ahead, hasn’t ever succeeded at threading a needle. He recently graduated top of his class in a program costing approximately $70,000.
“I learned a lot in my MBA and I’m eager to put my skills to good use with a Fortune 500 company,” said Bannister, a grown man that was not able to hang a picture on his wall last weekend.
The hardworking-elite, who still struggles to use an iron and brings his clothes to his parents when he needs to look sharp, said he is considering opening up a clothing company if no other work comes his way.
“The margins can be very good,” said the same person who has no idea what cotton is made of, but who is able to recite, without hesitation, detailed current trends in clothing sales internationally over the last ten years. “You can make good money with proper supply-management and some clever marketing,” added the man whose earning potential is expected to be 139% higher than other members of society that know how to grow a tomato plant.
Among Bannister’s fellow graduates were Courtney Sumjah, who is planning to get into the restaurant business despite never having boiled an egg, and Mark Smith, who doesn’t know how to change a tire yet whose resume describes his career ambition as “seeking a top level management role in the automotive industry.”
