WASHINGTON D.C. – Leaders of the Congressional Republicans recently announced their intention to commence a lawsuit against President Barack Obama over the severe psychological harm and anxiety his presidency has caused them.
“Every day I wake up and Barack Obama is President causes me so much pain and depression, you really would not believe it,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner.
“I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. My life has been a waking nightmare ever since the 2008 election,” added the visibly shaken veteran politician.
The complaint, which will soon be filed in federal court, contains over 75 different allegations of negligence against the Commander-in-Chief, including “not being a white conservative, failing to properly govern the way we would if we were president, and intentionally acting contrary to the interests of the richest 1% of Americans.”
The suit also makes reference to an incident in 2011, when then House Majority Leader Eric Cantor alleges his hands and inner thighs were burned by a “scalding” cup of White House coffee that he had spilled on himself. Cantor, a prominent advocate of tort reform, is seeking $100,000,000.00 in punitive damages.
Also joining the suit are the wives of the all male Republican leadership, who allege the President’s actions have caused their husbands to become impotent for the last 6 years.
