TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has confirmed citizens’ long held belief that, if the regular garbage bin has no bag, all the refuse in your house has become organic.
“Our research has revealed that there is a clear correlation between the absence of a bag in the regular garbage bin, and the transformation of an item such as a milk bag into something that will decompose naturally into the soil over time” said head researcher Dr. Todd Stevens.
Stevens went on to specify the list of items that will become organic when a person has been too lazy to put a new bag in the garbage for over a week included Babybel cheese wax, partially used condoms and old mattresses.
“It’s simple science,” said Stevens when asked how the process works. “Take a Styrofoam container. That was probably holding food, and the longer there was no garbage bag in the regular garbage, the longer the organic juices from the food sunk into the container, transmogrifying it into a totally organic substance.”
“Plus plastic is usually made from oil, which is just crushed up dinosaur bones, and what could be more organic than that!” added the notoriously lazy scientist.
Stevens acknowledged the University was still studying why all these products went back to being non-organic waste as soon as one’s roommate replaces the bag in the standard garbage container.
At press time, the study had also confirmed that those dishes in your sink need to soak for a few more days.
