SOCHI – A controversial call during a recent match has revealed that nobody in the world actually knows what is up with Curling.
What began as a simple inquiry about whether or not “offside” was a thing in Curling quickly became an eye-opening debacle. When questioned about the game’s oldest rules, officials from the IOC refused to give a straight answer or even maintain eye contact.
“Come on, it’s Curling!” Said Canadian committee member Richard Pound, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, you gotta sweep the, uh, gotta get those scores, right? Look, we’re winning medals here, no need for all this probing.”
Further probing revealed that the ‘Curling’ section in the Olympic guidebook is blank other than the words, “Just give’r.”
“Look, you just have to get the rock thing either close to or far away from the middle of the circle,” said Pound, before leaning in and muttering that this whole thing went deep and that nobody was to be trusted.
“Hurry, Hurry Hard!” Pound added, as two men in identical black suits and sunglasses approached him from behind.
At press time, a journalist who had been investigating claims that the sport was “made up” as a way to get publicity for Norwegian zigzag pants had been found beaten to death by some sort of large, blunt stone.
