OTTAWA – The Potential Euphemism and Non-intentional Innuendo Survey released a statement on Sunday, officially naming European handball as the world’s most suggestively named sport.
“After examining centuries of sport history, our hand-picked team of fourteen year olds reached a verdict: European handball is the filthiest-sounding sport in years,” said David Brandt, the current head of the PENIS. “With this issue finally settled, we can get back to other pressing issues, like which movie title sounds the most like a sexual position without being too on-the-nose.”
Remarkably, this announcement has not led to a growth in the popularity of European handball. In fact, many networks have started removing games from their schedules, replacing them with less sexual events, like wrestling, UFC, and olive oil wrestling.
“I used to love this game more than anything else in life,” said said former ball handler Ralph Perdalini. “But now I can’t even say the name out loud without picturing some European guy getting his nuts fondled. I’ve tried calling it by its other name, group touch ball, but that sounds even worse.”
“I’m really annoyed by the way PENIS just goes around poking and prodding in every little crevice.”
European handball was not the only contender for the dirtiest sounding sport title. According to PENIS, it was barely able to beat out the sports of corkball, pole climbing and dick soccer.
