WATERLOO, ON – Reigning Rubik’s Cube king Steven Blatchkist wowed judges at the 2013 World Championships yesterday by solving a 4D variant of the puzzle prior to it having been developed or thought of.
Organizers of the competition assert that Blatchkist, who currently holds the 7x7x7 Rubik’s Cube record in three spatial coordinates, “outdid even himself.”
“We’ve never seen anything quite like it,” said Gerry “The Genome” McGurch, president of the championship. “The stopwatch hadn’t even started and we could already see Steven holding a completed lower-dimensional projection of a Rubik’s Tesseract, a product which is not going to be invented for at least another 50 years or so.”
Steven, who turned 14 this year, was modest about his latest accomplishment.
“It’s nothing, really,” said the self-styled “geek version of Sidney Crosby”. “First you solve the white side, then you get the omega-red side, and then after that you get the side that’s only visible to hornets. Then it’s just a twist to the left, to the right, to the top side, the strange side and to the charm side and, ta-da, all of space and time is laid out and immutable.”
Sources say that Blatchkist “really needed” this victory after having lost last spring’s quantum chess championships to a seething mass of extradimensional energy.
