HOLLYWOOD — Writer and director Quentin Tarantino recently announced that he no longer intends to produce his upcoming western film, Hateful Eight, after a major leak revealed that the movie will feature some kind of revenge plot.
“It’s bullshit. Fucking bullshit,” said Tarantino, who wished to surprise audiences with a brand-new film revolving around a bloody revenge fantasy, perhaps involving an easily identifiable and morally unambiguous villain, such as Nazis or slave owners.
“Well now nobody’s going to see it,” the director added, referring to the jettisoned film that, if produced, may have included several scenes of over-the-top violence involving a samurai sword, near-constant references to pop culture and a nonlinear narrative structure.
Tarantino was further outraged when it was leaked that his upcoming motion picture would, in all likelihood, be an extended homage to one of his various cinematic influences, including Akira Kurosawa, Jean-Luc Godard, John Woo, Howard Hawks, or pretty much any blaxploitation film of the 1970s.
Tarantino hinted that he might have been considering Christoph Waltz in the role ofthe kind-of-bad-but-you-still-sort-of-like-him-anyway Austrian character, but refused to confirm that fact.
“I guess now you’ll never know,” the director shrugged, as he carefully lowered his 188-page screenplay into a paper shredder.
At press time, Tarantino had already begun work on a new script about a group of Hollywood agents who betray the fearless and unforgiving screenwriter, Quentin Tarantino.
