By Mariah von Birdspell
Host of HGTV’s “Transcendental DIY”
Like a secret recipe for eggnog or a favourite carol, plenty of us have cherished family traditions for “Zeigvitus,” or the practice of bringing your tree ornaments to life through sorcery. And let’s face it, sometimes transforming those toy soldiers and rocking horses from inert objects to tiny beings with souls and agendas is just easier with the usual old concentric salt circles and that red candle you haul up from the basement every year. But if you’re in the mood for something a little more sophisticated this December, here are some easy tricks to give your decorations’ annual night in the land of the living an extra spark—and to guarantee none of them will be where you left them the next morning!
1) Can the Cans. Three words: Fresh. Goat’s. Blood. Anyone can pick up canned goat’s blood, but this can contain harmful preservatives, and nothing, NOTHING beats the jolt ornaments get from a Zeigvitus made with real fresh goat’s blood. Don’t have a goat ready to go? Just stop by your local butcher and ask for Danish sangria. He’ll know what you mean.
2) Skip the sprig. While it may be tempting to garnish your pentagram with a jaunty sprig of holly, the Celtic symbol can contaminate the magicks and result in a sticky and unsightly portal—so just stick with hemlock this year.
3) Keep it clipped. Although a lot of us associate fingernail clippings with ‘60’s Zeigvituses, throwing in a handful can create a fun retro vibe without being kitschy, or summoning houseghosts. Pair with candied cherries if you’re really ambitious!
4) Conch the crooning. Don’t forget to include “Away in a Manger,” sung by a virgin, in your tradition. The reassuring innocence of the pure one’s song will ease the decorations’ transition to flesh-and-blood. But don’t cop out and use a tape recorder to trap the voice: have your virgin sing into a small to medium-size conch shell, and leave it under the tree so the ornaments can hear it all night long!
5) Better safe than sorry. Although the vast majority of Zeigvitus spells wear off by Christmas morning, every once in a while, one of your little friends will remain inexplicably conscious (or even mobile!), and nobody’s crankier than a felt snowman doomed to walk the earth in a state between living and dead. So always keep a small bucket of (preferably Argentinian) powdered flint on hand in case you need to douse a rascally wreath back into his natural state of non-sentience.
And the most important Zeigvitus tip of all: have FUN! And be sure to keep any cats or dogs away from the hemlock.
