OTTAWA – After a wild night of tea and overly competitive Boggle, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper retired to his residence at 24 Sussex Drive with his wife Laureen, where he made love for the very first time.
“I was so nervous,” said the still shaking 54 year old. “I had read all about it, and got some tips from a nudie magazine my buddy Jimmy [Flaherty] lent me. But still, when it happens for the first time, its all just a blur of body parts and strange new feelings.”
“Everything was a lot stickier than I thought it would be,” added the father of two.
The encounter was reportedly brief in nature, as the head of government admitted he “prorogued the session a little prematurely, if you know what I mean.”
Asked why she finally decided to have sex with the most powerful man in Canada now, Laureen Harper merely shrugged, took a long drag off her cigarette, mounted her motorcycle and said “Mama needed some sugar,” before speeding off into the night.
For his part, the Right Honourable Prime Minister returned to his twin size bed, pulled the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sheets up to his nose, and wondered if it had been a mistake to mention Margaret Thatcher so often whilst in the throes of passion.
At press time, gross.
