DEER CREVICE, ON – The old, abandoned circus on the edge of town is entirely free of malignant spirits, according to the glowing skull in the rainbow wig that floats beside the rusted-out ticket booth.
“Safe, yes, very safe,” said the clown skull, as crimson fog poured from its eye sockets. “Come inside, no ghosts, very fun place to children.”
According to the clown skull, all of the strange things reported to have happened in the amusement park have explanations that are entirely rational. Reports of howling choirs of dead voices are the result of wind in the old ferris wheel, the creature known as the ‘Strange Walker’ is probably just an old homeless lady wearing a scarf that looks like an enormous, dripping black tongue, and reports of a floating, talking clown skull are almost definitely the product of kids on drugs, said the floating, talking clown skull.
“Come inside, yes,” said the skull. “Safe surprises for you.”
Other sources corroborated the clown skull’s claim.
“As a man of science, I really must side with the floating clown skull,” said Doctor McGibbon, the town physician. “I cannot stress enough how irrational it is to believe in the supernatural.”
At press time, the town had treated the complete disappearance both of a group of children and of the rescue party that entered the circus looking for them as further evidence that the circus was not haunted.
“I’m not worried about the children because I’m pretty sure they never even existed,” said shop owner Deborah McReeg. “In fact, I’m pretty sure we haven’t had any children in this town since the last Culling.”
At press time the children had been returned home safely, albeit all speaking in the exact same voice.
