WINNIPEG – 7-11 has crowned Winnipeg as the Slurpee Capital of the World for the 14th time in a row, making citizens’ feet and hands tingle with joy.
“This is a big day for our city” mayor Sam Katz said after finishing his third large Coca-Cola slurpee of the day. “Our support of the slurpee industry far outweighs all other cities across the world. Everyone dug in and expanded their waist-line for this title.”
Winnipeg consumes nearly 190,000 slurpees a month, which has also spurred on other enterprises like the blood-glucose meter and prosthetic limb industries.
“When I found out we were crowned, I nearly had a heart-attack again” said a panting and sweaty Claude Demers while refilling his five-litre Mega Super Slurpee Cup. “My feet and limbs are prickling with pride knowing that my city has won a really cool looking trophy. I just wish my father was still alive to see this day.”
To reward Winnipeggers for their dedication, 7-11 is giving away free tub-sized slurpees for all those who can waddle or roll into a store next Thursday.
