VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre.
“I can no longer lead the faithful as your pontiff,” announced the 85 year-old outgoing pope to the College. “But I’m keeping this badass hat. It really fits well and I’ve been working it in these past eight years.”
Due to recent lawsuits against the Church, the next leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics will not be able to wear such an elaborate headgear if Benedict doesn’t return it to The Holy See. However, the dean of the College, Cardinal Angelo Sodano, has assured that the next pope will be given a baseball cap that states “World’s #1 Pope” for future masses.
