LONDON – Sources within Buckingham Palace have revealed that Prince Harry, currently third in line to the throne, has been so appalled and devastated by the recently leaked pictures of sister-in-law Kate Middleton that he has almost been unable to pleasure himself to the naked images of Kate contained therein.
“Harry is absolutely devastated by this breach of privacy,” said the royal dog walker, Cindy Chestworth. ” People need to keep their noses out. Its none of their business, especially since he has only masturbated to the pictures about 4 times, and even then he has only been able to achieve climax with the assistance of palace aides.”
“I’ve never seen his highness so distraught,” agreed Queen Elizabeth’s Butler’s Butler, Chestor P. Lobbington. “At night sometimes I can hear him crying. The sounds of his sobs echo even louder than the noise of his hand furiously rubbing his royal penis.”
“The photos are an outrageous violation of privacy. The royal family can not and will not stand for such an intrusion upon Catherine, Duchess of York,” said the Prince as he walked towards his bedroom door carrying a small box of kleenex and a large tub of Vaseline.
The monarchy’s anger appeared to extend even beyond Harry. Immediately before press time Prince Philip, husband to Queen Elizabeth, announced the creation of a 40 million pound task force, whose sole purpose would be to track down and remove from circulation every single published naked photo of Kate, and then deliver the photos to the Prince’s private residence on the Isle of Wright, where he would “take care” of them himself.
