By Subway Mouse
Hey you!
Yeah, you over
there with the
newspaper. I
need a favour.
You see that
Cheeto sitting
over there by the
tracks? I need you
to get that for me.
All you got to do is jump down here,
pick it up, and throw it over to me.
That’s all.
If you want, just jump down
and kick it a little closer to me. I’ll do
the rest. It won’t take much of your
time, and you’ll be back to your
newspaper before you can say “next
stop.”
Why do I want that Cheeto so badly?
Because it looks good, and I’m hungry.
FYI: There’s not much selection down
here. I’ve been eating subway transfers
for the last three weeks. That Cheeto
sure would hit the spot.
C’mon, man, help a brother out.
The subway won’t be here for
another ten minutes, anyway. You
don’t have to worry about getting hit.
Besides, I’d yell if I saw it on its way. I
got you covered, man. I got your back.
I’d go get it myself, but I have a fear
of subway tracks. That’s why I keep to
the underpass. Don’t ask me how I lost
my tail; it’s a traumatizing story.
Look, I know we don’t live in a selfless
world, so I’ll make a deal with you. You
get me that Cheeto, and I’ll guarantee
that you get a seat on the next train
that comes by. I think you’ll agree that’s
a fair trade. This seat thing can be
arranged no problem. Trust me. I know
mice in high places, if you catch my
drift.
Not to rush you or anything, but we
do have to move on this soon. You see
that other mouse over there? The crazy-faced
Mus musculus species eyeballing the Cheeto? Well,
he’s bound to make his move any
minute now. So we got to act fast!
Maybe, if you didn’t mind, you could
also kick that mouse in the face while
you’re at it. With the boots you’re
wearing, a quick blow to the face would
kill him instantly, or at least mortally
wound him. He deserves it. I swear.
Besides, I saw that Cheeto first.
Alright, you don’t seem to be
interested in jumping onto the tracks
for me. How about this: grab the bag of
Cheetos from that lady over there and
throw the whole thing over to me. Well,
keep some of them if you want. That
way, there’s no element of danger to
worry about.
You don’t even want to do that?
What are you? Scared of that lady or
something? C’mon, you can take her.
Just knock her down. Throw her on the
tracks HA HA HA… No, don’t do that.
That’s a little mean, actually.
Ok. Plan B.
You go out and buy me a
bag of Cheetos, and I’ll pay you back.
Don’t worry about money. I got plenty
of quarters in my collection. You
wouldn’t believe the amount of coins
people throw down onto the tracks.
What’s a bag of Cheetos? Four quarters?
I got four quarters for you. Just come
and get them. You want gum as well? I
got plenty of that, too. Just get me those
damn Cheetos man.
God, I’m desperate.
