Despite the results being posted two days ago, Sun newspaper outlets have steadfastly denied the existence of a Liberal majority government and have continued to assume Conservative leader Stephe…
Tag: University of Toronto
White students union promises safe space to conquer, enslave nations
TORONTO – Postering the York, Ryerson and University of Toronto campuses, the group ‘Students for Western Civilization’ is calling for the creation of a safe space that would allow white st…
Toronto universities offer new undergrad course in Advanced Test Marking
TORONTO – In a change that University of Toronto and York University say “will better prepare students for the rigors of the workplace or something”, undergraduate students will be asked to…
MBA graduate can’t sew button on shirt
TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt. Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a mean…
Recent English grad unsure about the apostrophe in ‘bachelor’s degree’
TORONTO – After earning her degree at the University of Toronto, English major Melany Peony was uncertain about the use of punctuation between the words “bachelor” and “degree.” The confusi…
Report: ‘Hello Kitty’ actually best possible outcome of Kroeger/Lavigne collaboration
TORONTO – According to a recent study from the University of Toronto Faculty of Music, Avril Lavigne’s derided single “Hello Kitty” is, “when you think about it, literally the best thing th…
Study: everything organic when the regular garbage doesn’t have a bag in it
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has confirmed citizens’ long held belief that, if the regular garbage bin has no bag, all the refuse in your house has become organi…
Harper developing jowls as he plans to be ‘not a crook’ for Liberal convention
OTTAWA – Canadian physiologists are watching in amazement as Prime Minister Harper‘s chin increasingly envelops his neck as the Liberal Convention begins in Montreal. “We’ve read about it before …
Anxiety-ridden 23-year-old with no particular career ambition considering law school
TORONTO — Despite lacking any discernible passions or occupational goals, University of Toronto graduate Jessica Breslin recently announced that she was strongly considering a career in the legal…
Thousand monkeys fill thousand typewriters with poop
MONTREAL – Sealed in the “Monkey Chamber” beneath Redpath library, the thousand monkeys tasked with creating the next great work of English literature have succeeded only in filling their t…