KYIV — After bravely turning down an evacuation offer from the U.S. in order to fight for his country’s freedom and quickly gaining a reputation as a defiant, inspiring leader, former comic…
Tag: Ukraine
Putin treats himself to a few war crimes he’s had his eye on
MOSCOW – Following yet another exhausting year of ruling with brutal autocracy, Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly decided to reward himself with a few war crimes – namel…
As Russia prepares to invade Ukraine, West rapidly deploys stockpile of vague condemnations
BRUSSELS – In light of Russia’s aggressive military buildup near the Ukrainian border, Western nations have ordered their stockpiles of vague condemnations to be placed at the highest…
Putin unsure if he’s in mood for Cold War or World War
MOSCOW – As a mustered force of 100,000 Russian soldiers stands by at the Ukrainian border, Russian President Vladimir Putin was reportedly spotted at his Novo-Ogaryevo residence debating t…
Biden intends to die as he lived; thwarting universal healthcare
Wilmington, Delaware – At a campaign event former Vice President Joe Biden re-affirmed that despite his old age he would keep fighting for the one thing he believed in, that unlike all othe…
Ukraine changes national anthem to ‘I kraine, you kraine, we all kraine for Ukraine’
KIEV – In a move that has Ukrainians hopeful for greater unity and world respect, the Ukrainian parliament has voted 412-38 to change the national anthem to a new song, entitled: I kraine, …
Mayor of Vegreville: “Shit shit shit, is the egg hatching?!”
VEGREVILLE, AB – Residents of the central Alberta town of Vegreville are growing concerned that the town’s giant egg is hatching, causing the mayor to issue a statement. “Shit shit shit,” s…
Harper tells Putin to ‘get out of Ukraine’
At the G20 Conference in Australia last weekend, Prime Minister Harper had a brief showdown with Russian President Vladimir Putin, telling him to “Get out of Ukraine.” What’s your say? “So…
Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’
NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…
Harper: ‘We will not let terrorism stop us from taking away your rights’
OTTAWA – At a press conference today Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated that his government would not let terrorist acts intimidate him from taking away Canadians’ civil liberties. “Terro…
