TORONTO – Seething with deep loathing and blind hatred, the city’s streetcar tracks have promised never to rest until every single one of Toronto cyclists’ bodies have been crushed, bruised…
Tag: ttc
Toronto couple relieved to find affordable home in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – After years of looking for a home Toronto-based young professionals Marcus and Ashley Warren are delighted to have finally found one in their price range, located in Winnipeg, Manitoba…
‘Toronto sure has a lot of condos going up’ notes very smart and brilliant visitor
TORONTO – An entire municipality is reeling after a tourist from Calgary made an observation that has radically altered how millions of people view their day to day existence. Geoffrey Thom…
Science minister Kirsty Duncan leaves time machine just in time to stop Kirsty Duncan from killing John A. Macdonald
OTTAWA – Minister of Science Kirsty Duncan has burst out of a time machine on June 24, 1867, just in time to prevent a younger version of herself from murdering Father of Confederation John A. Ma…
TTC Shop to sell giant sticks operators still use to move streetcar tracks
TORONTO – The TTC Shop has introduced a new item for sale: life size replicas of the large sticks operators still use to move the streetcar tracks for some reason. “We’ve done quite well se…
Sheppard Line celebrates 100th rider
TORONTO – In a triumphant milestone for Toronto’s newest, shortest, and most-overlooked subway branch, the Sheppard Line today celebrated its 100th rider since opening its doors in 2002. “I…
Man on bus needs to tell someone, anyone that it’s 4:20 PM
TORONTO – After looking at his watch and stifling a giggle, local man Dave Calhoun is now trying to make eye-contact with literally anybody else on the bus, so that he can let them know it’…
TTC to become #1 transit system in North America by sabotaging other cities’ transit systems
TORONTO – Andy Byford, CEO of the Toronto Transit Commission, has promised that the TTC will become North America’s premier mass transit system by the end of 2017 through large-scale sabotage of …
$2 pizza served at transit station probably fine
TORONTO – Commuters travelling through the Bloor-Yonge subway station in Toronto have been given the opportunity to buy pizza for $2 a slice from a folding table, and on the whole decided t…
TTC’s scented holiday candles let riders gift the smell of urine soaked grime
TORONTO – The Toronto Transit Commission is ringing in the holiday season with the release of the Bloor-Young scented candle that gives riders the opportunity to take home the urine soaked …