WASHINGTON, DC – Following yesterday’s attempted coup, U.S. President Donald Trump has released a video message asking his supporters to stand down and adding that “he’ll love them forever,…
Tag: Trump
Canadian physios overwhelmed as nation injured patting itself on the back
FORT LANGLEY, BC – Physiotherapists nationwide are reporting a sudden influx of Canadians who have been injured trying to pat themselves on the back after witnessing the chaos erupting in t…
Twitter suspends Trump’s Twitter account after waking up from four-year coma
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Twitter finally suspended Donald Trump’s account for twelve hours today after the President released a video praising a violent mob of his supporters who stormed the Uni…
Report: Trump has now lost the election more times than every other Presidential candidate combined
WASHINGTON D.C. – After the Supreme Court refused to even hear Texas’ effort to overturn the results of the Presidential election, Donald Trump has now lost a presidential election more tim…
Desperate Trump demands recount in New Brunswick
MONCTON, NB – Following unsuccessful recounts in Wisconsin and Georgia, along with mounting court challenges, Trump is now demanding a recount in the Canadian maritime province of New Bruns…
“White men are the problem” says white woman who is also the problem
VANCOUVER – Reporting from a new juice bar in the gentrified neighbourhood of Chinatown, white woman, Clarissa Rogers, claimed that white men are to blame for societal inequities. “Like tod…
Desperate Trump announces only people with evidence of voter fraud will be vaccinated
WASHINGTON, D.C. ― In a series of tweets, Donald Trump announced today that any American who wanted to receive a COVID-19 vaccine would have to first provide proof of voter fraud. “Thanks to Your…
Trump supporters upset President never shot man on Fifth Avenue like he promised he would
UNITED STATES – Diehard supporters of President Donald Trump are expressing their dismay at the realization that he may never shoot a man in cold blood on Fifth Avenue like he swore he would do. …
Attempted coup in global superpower much goofier than expected
WASHINGTON D.C. – The current attempt by Donald Trump and his Republican allies to subvert the will of the people and remain in power is, according to international observers, “way st…
Toby Keith, 3 Doors Down excited for invitation to play Biden inauguration
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Musician Toby Keith and rock band 3 Doors Down have both reported how excited they are to be playing for the inauguration of the next US president Joe Biden. “I mean it h…
