OTTAWA – As the Liberal and Conservative parties poll in a dead heat to form Canada’s next government, an aggregate of polls show that absolutely not one single voter can explain why this e…
Tag: Trudeau
Jean Chrétien hired as Trudeau’s bodyguard
OTTAWA — In response to violent protesters swarming his personal appearences, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has hired Jean Chrétien as his personal bodyguard. The 89-year-old has several decades …
After Conservatives surge in polls, Trudeau reminds voters he’s also pretty racist
Ottawa, ON – After strong polling numbers showing the Conservative party’s newfound popularity, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has changed tactics by reminding Canadians he can be j…
Anti-vax protestors throw rocks at Trudeau due to not having entered Bronze Age yet
LONDON, ON – During an election campaign stop Prime Minister Justin Trudeau faced anti-vaccine protestors who hurled rocks, namely because they lack the intelligence and evolutionary capabi…
Justin Trudeau forces Edmonton Oilers to change name to Edmonton Wind Turbines
EDMONTON – In an effort to combat climate change, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has forced the Edmonton NHL team to change its name from the Oilers to the Wind Turbines. “This is the centra…
Federal election downgraded to Twitter poll with Trudeau asking, “Do you like me?”
OTTAWA – Recently, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau asked for a dissolution of parliament. With many condemning him due to its unencessity, Trudeau took to his Twitter, instead, to run a poll …
Government employee quits, demands new 4 year contract
OTTAWA – Despite being just 2 years into a 4 year contract, local civil servant Justin Trudeau abruptly resigned on Sunday, and then simultaneously demanded a brand new 4 year contract. …
Conservative Party bitterly derides upcoming election as “big popularity contest”
OTTAWA — With rumours of an imminent Fall election swirling, the Conservative Party of Canada strongly voiced their objections against the entire course of action calling it “completely unjust an…
World leaders pause climate change talks out of respect for the burning Amazon
WORLDWIDE – World leaders are calling for a pause on climate change talks this week, out of respect for the Amazon rainforest which is now almost constantly on fire. “We were almost ready t…
Trudeau pledges to begin all land acknowledgements with another, less sincere land acknowledgement
OTTAWA – In light of renewed attention to the horrors of residential schools, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that he will be taking immediate action on reconciliation by beginn…