TORONTO – In the wake of Friday night’s uniquely meteorological event which saw both heavy snow as well as thunder and lightning, the city of Toronto has elected to once again call in the m…
Tag: Toronto
Pierre Poilievre wishes traitorous dictator who hates the country he is PM of would stop being so divisive
OTTAWA – Leader of the opposition Pierre Poilievre is calling on “left-wing scrum” Justin Trudeau to stop dividing Canadians on political lines. “Canadians don’t nee…
John Tory’s career inevitably cut short by his raw, unstoppable sexual magnetism
TORONTO – In the wake of Toronto Mayor John Tory’s shocking announcement that he will be stepping down after admitting he had an affair with a staffer earlier this year, residents across th…
John Tory admits to fucking Toronto
TORONTO – In breaking news, Mayor John Tory has announced his resignation after admitting to fucking Toronto. “It was a serious error of judgment on my part,” the longtime polit…
John Tory proposes increasing Toronto Police budget to keep Torontonians safe from effective social programs
TORONTO — At a news conference today, Mayor John Tory proposed increasing the Toronto Police Service’s budget by 48.3 million dollars in order to ensure that the people of his city would be…
“Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world,” brags unicultural man to unicultural friends
TORONTO – Local white man Aaron Burton recently talked with his group of entirely white friends about how great it was to live in a city with so much diversity. “Multiculturalism is w…
Study: Drivers debating between Express and Collectors choose slower one 100% of the time
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has concluded that people driving on the 401 near Toronto choosing between the Express and Collectors lanes choose the slower option every…
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” sh…
Rogers exec keeps side hustle
TORONTO – Rogers Family board member John Tory has been allowed to continue his night job as mayor of the city of Toronto. “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to serve the people o…
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
VANCOUVER – Local actor Marcus Barrow has made the decision to leave Vancouver and move to L.A. in order to better enhance his career opportunities and secure roles on the numerous film and…