TORONTO – In the aftermath of the grand opening of a new, high-end Tim Hortons in the heart of Toronto’s financial district, customers have confirmed that it’s definitely just as bad as all the o…
Tag: Tim Hortons
Tim Horton’s changes Roll Up The Rim to Russian Roulette
TORONTO – In a press conference unveiling the next step in their famous annual giveaway, Tim Horton’s has announced they will be officially changing the contest from Roll Up The Rim to Russ…
PM causes economy to crash by purchasing doughnuts from local business instead of Brazilian investment firm
WINNIPEG – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has obliterated the Canadian economy by purchasing doughnuts at a local business instead of the country’s largest chain of quick service restaurants…
7 fun facts about Canada that are neither fun nor facts
Have you ever wanted to know obscure, pointless, and flat-out inaccurate facts about this great nation, which will also leave you feeling kinda bummed out? Well, have we got a list for you! Check…
Tim Hortons worker playing Roll Up The Rim wins paid break
Cobourg, ON — It’s a lucky day for Tim Hortons employee Shirley Bishop, who won big at Roll Up the Rim: one paid break! “I was on my regular, unpaid coffee break when it happened,” said Bishop, w…
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But …
New ‘Roll Up The Rim’ prize gives winners a free coffee from better coffee place
Hamilton, ON – The beloved Tim Hortons’ ‘Roll Up The Rim To Win’ contest is back and better than ever with a prize Canadians have long been hoping for – a free coffee from one of Cana…
Study: Anglo Canadian culture revealed just to be a series of brand loyalties
Hamilton, ON- A decade long study at McMaster University has found what many anthropologists have long suspected: that the sole feature of Anglo Canadian culture is identifying with certain brand…
Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something
OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …