OTTAWA – Health Canada released a years long comprehensive study linking sugar with having a zest for life. This unprecedented report revealed the group who got to eat something sweet with …
Tag: sugar
Gingerbread-man trapped in gingerbread-house curses gingerbread-God
AURORA, ON – Early this morning, tiny whimpers were heard from a gingerbread-house as a gingerbread-man pleaded with his gingerbread-God to end his suffering. “Woe is me, that I labour each…
Kisko unveils new lambskin freezie that won’t cut your mouth when you suck it dry
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Kisko announced a bold new change to its popular Mr. Freeze freezies that will see the plastic sheath replaced with lambskin to protect customers’ mouths when they gr…
5 Easter egg hiding places that demonstrate your tactical dominance over your children
Whether it’s lying about a bearded man breaking into the house every Christmas or repeatedly subjecting them to grisly reminders of their own mortality at Hallowe’en, the holidays are about one t…
6-year-old awakens from sugar-crash covered in temporary tattoos
GATINEAU, QC – After slowly coming to from a sugar-crash-induced nap, 6-year-old Phillippe Watkins was surprised to discover his body covered in temporary Cars 3 tattoos that he had no memo…
Couple calling each other “babe” after forgetting names five years ago
BRANDON, MA – Living together in quiet desperation in fear of being caught, a local couple has resorted to referring to each other as “babe” after both have completely forgotten what their …
Kid not allowed to eat candy reports apples ‘fun snack’
TORONTO- Biting into cut up pieces of honeycrisp prepared by his health conscious parents, local six year old, Thurman Jackson, made news this week after officially declaring apples a “fun snack.…
Tim Hortons celebrates Canada 150 by replacing Double-Double with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuple
OAKVILLE, ON – In celebration of Canada’s 150th birthday, Canada’s favourite coffee chain will replace their world famous Double-Doubles with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuples for a limited ti…