OTTAWA — With Canada now signed on to the Trans Pacific Partnership, Canadians are excited to find out just how much they have been screwed. “I can’t wait to see who got it the most!” said …
Tag: Stephen Harper
Hungover 16 year-old wakes up wearing ‘Re-elect Conservative Rick Dykstra’ button
ST. CATHARINES — After a long night out drinking with her friends, an unidentified high school girl woke up to find a Rick Dykstra button pinned to her side tie halter dress. “What happened…
New Plutocratic Party supporter going to strategically vote Conservative
CALGARY – After determining that his party was unlikely to win, New Plutocratic Party supporter Harris Wilkes has decided to hold his nose and vote for Stephen Harper. “Of course, I’d love …
Every federal election candidate resigns after using social media
OTTAWA – All 1,792 candidates running for Canada’s next member of Parliament have announced their resignation after using Twitter and Facebook to express their views for the past ten years.…
Maury leaders debate entertains studio audience
TORONTO — Last night on a special Canadian political episode of the Maury Povich Show, three men all claimed that they love Canada and know what’s best for it, but only one can win its hear…
Student cut from high school musical ‘Oliver’ fulfills life-long promise to destroy the arts
OTTAWA — A former grade nine student has successfully carried out his vindictive wish in cutting arts programs across the country, a vow made in 1973 after he was cut from the lead role in …
Stephen Harper slips into fluent Mandarin during French debate
MONTREAL – During a question on the economy during last night’s french language debate Stephen Harper began speaking in sudden, perfect Mandarin for a few short sentences. “The Prime Minist…
Leaked documents show Stephen Harper refused to answer four questions during local Seder
TORONTO – Leaked records released today show that Stephen Harper refused to answer four questions posed to him by children at a local Passover Seder on April 4th, 2015. “I was very disappointed i…
Harper reminds non-Conservative voters to cast ballots on October 20th
WINNIPEG — At a recent campaign stop, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has reminded all voters who will not be marking the Conservatives as their choice to vote on October 20th. “The rules of …
Harper the latest inferior product to be endorsed by Gretzky
TORONTO – Canadian hockey icon Wayne Gretzky endorsed Prime Minister Stephen Harper for re-election at a Conservative Party rally this week, making the Tory leader the latest in a long line of me…
