OTTAWA – After weeks of promising to ban the niqab from citizenship ceremonies, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has revealed that the face-covering garment could be more dangerous than origin…
Tag: Stephen Harper
Tory scientists discover new base instinct to appeal to
OTTAWA – After years of research into the human species’ most contemptible tendencies, a group of Conservative Party researchers have come across an entirely new kind of loathsomeness to ex…
Harper forced to ask Ford brothers to eat chicken wings more quietly at campaign appearance
ETOBICOKE, ON – During a speech in front of over a hundred supporters yesterday morning, Prime Minister Harper had to pause several times to ask Rob and Doug Ford to eat their chicken wings…
Tories running out of voters to alienate
WATERLOO, ON — With only a week left before the election, Stephen Harper’s Conservatives are trying hard to find new voters and alienate them with their statements and policies filled with …
Meet the 23 year-old PMO staffer who denied all of the Syrian refugees into Canada
OTTAWA — In a small office located within the bowels of Stephen Harper’s PMO sits a young man responsible for halting all Syrian refugee applications. When he’s not busy wiretapping Justin …
Gilles Duceppe calls on other party leaders to give him fifteen dollars
QUEBEC CITY – Building on his reputation as a wild-card wiling to call out the other candidates on issues where they share the same biases, Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has demanded…
Harper says “most” cases of murdered Aboriginal women solved, “give or take a few thousand”
WHITBY, ON – Speaking at a campaign rally, Prime Minister Stephen Harper told reporters that there’s no need to start a federal inquiry into Canada’s missing and murdered Aboriginal women because…
Harper left wondering who let Nobel Prize winner Arthur McDonald talk to the media
KINGSTON — With Arthur McDonald’s shocking Nobel prize win, the Prime Minister of Canada was curious as to how he was able to speak with the media at all. “We have so many programs in place…
Canada looks forward to finding out how it was screwed by the TPP
OTTAWA — With Canada now signed on to the Trans Pacific Partnership, Canadians are excited to find out just how much they have been screwed. “I can’t wait to see who got it the most!” said …
Hungover 16 year-old wakes up wearing ‘Re-elect Conservative Rick Dykstra’ button
ST. CATHARINES — After a long night out drinking with her friends, an unidentified high school girl woke up to find a Rick Dykstra button pinned to her side tie halter dress. “What happened…