We all love classic water cooler chats with our fellow co-workers, but if you’re having trouble connecting with those at your good ol’ 9-to-5, here are some ways to break the ice… by talking abou…
Tag: Star Wars
6 year old hopes everyone gets that his Halloween costume is supposed to be Darth Vader wearing a winter coat
Sault Ste. Marie, ON- Grade one student, Charlie Jacobs of Little Oak Elementary, has released a statement confirming that his Halloween costume this year is in fact Darth Vader wearing a winter …
OPINION: I am part of the Resistance inside the Galactic Empire
By: Anonymous (note: The Beaverton is taking the rare step of publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done so at the request of the author, a senior Commander on the Death Star whose identit…
Disney executives pleased to announce acquisition of PornHub
MONTREAL – Expanding their media streaming portfolio, Disney executives announced Tuesday that the company has acquired Canadian adult entertainment site, Pornhub. The entertainment behemot…
Disney in negotiations to purchase false sense of ownership from Star Wars fans
BURBANK, CA – After a period of protest Disney is moving to consolidate its ownership of Star Wars from a group of aggrieved not-actually-shareholders. “When we purchased Star Wars fr…
Local man celebrates birthday by treating himself to things he has in no way denied himself previously
HALIFAX — According to reports, local man Matt Burnham celebrated his 26th birthday by treating himself to things he consumes and/or partakes in on a regular basis. “It’s my birthday, so of cours…
Local man completely changes personality after being visited by three ghosts
Ach-To — As tends to happen to people on Christmas, local elderly man Luke Skywalker is alleged to have completely changed his personality with a seemingly supernatural abruptness. It is un…
Liam Neeson kills 8 in method acting rampage
VANCOUVER – 8 people lost their lives when esteemed actor Liam Neeson went on a method acting rampage while filming Taken 4. The incident began shortly after production wrapped for the day …
REVEALED: Star Wars Episode 9 will be titled “Y’all Want Some More Dad Mysteries?”
In a long-awaited announcement from Lucasfilm yesterday morning, it was finally revealed that the upcoming Star Wars film will be titled “Star Wars: Episode 9 – Y’all Want Some More Dad Mys…
For the last time, I’m not Max Von Sydow
By: Christopher Plummer I need to get something off my chest. It’s not a major bother, it’s not the end of the world, but after 60 years I just don’t want to have to say it again. I am not Max Vo…