TORONTO – As theatres across Ontario remain closed, local man, Julian Yoon, is secretly ecstatic his co-worker is unable to use his Hamilton tickets. “I remember the day, he (smugly) posted…
Tag: Sidney Crosby
Sidney Crosby: “I would never let my children play hockey. The risk of getting drafted by Edmonton is too high”
EDMONTON – With a growing number of concerns about the dangers of playing hockey, several notable names are speaking out against the associated risks, including NHL superstar Sidney Crosby.…
Doctors concerned Sidney Crosby has sustained another concussion after he accepts invitation to Trump White House
PITTSBURGH – Sidney Crosby has accepted President Donald Trump’s invitation to visit the White House, leading neurologists to believe that the former NHL MVP has received a concussion in th…
Concussed Crosby tattoos ‘you won the 2017 Stanley Cup’ reminder on his torso
PITTSBURGH – In the early morning hours after winning his third Stanley Cup while suffering from what is at least his fifth concussion, Penguins captain Sidney Crosby was seen getting a rem…
Sidney Crosby now training for luge
NEW YORK – After Monday’s announcement that the NHL would not be sending players to Pyeongchang for the next Olympic games, Sidney Crosby immediately began training for Canada’s national lu…
Sidelined Crosby returns to Tim Hortons drive-thru job
Cole Harbour, NS – Pittsburgh Penguins Captain Sidney Crosby has returned to work at a Nova Scotia Tim Hortons after a concussion put the two-time Stanley Cup winner out of regular season p…
World Cup of Hockey won by plucky, Canadian overdogs
TORONTO – Coming from ahead and proving to the world that they are exactly what everyone says they are, team Canada has confirmed the odds were accurate by attaining a completely expected v…
Crosby voted NHL’s most valuable non-rapist
LAS VEGAS – At the National Hockey League’s star-studded event last night, Penguins captain and Stanley Cup champion Sidney Crosby was awarded the Harold Ballard Award, given annually to th…
Making playoffs forces Phil Kessel to cancel annual fishing trip
A distraught Phil Kessel was forced to cancel his annual fishing trip with his buddies yesterday after the Pittsburgh Penguins made the NHL playoffs despite his best efforts. “I was pretty hopefu…
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Eastern Conference
As teams gear up for the annual playoff battle and the Leafs gear up for their annual schvitz, its time for The Beaverton‘s experts to break down the match ups, rivalries and action that wi…