VATICAN CITY – The Vatican has announced their official position that they cannot bless same-sex marriage due to the fact that trapping gay people within an outdated heteronormative institu…
Tag: Pope
Officials ask Pope to stop ending sermons with community announcements from Vatican bulletin
VATICAN CITY – Officials representing the Holy See have reportedly issued a formal request that Pope Francis cease ending his sermons from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica with local announcem…
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” asks man who really wishes someone would just tell him already
CAPE BRETON, NS – Frank Thompson has spent his entire life searching for the answer to a question that no one in his life is willing to answer, no matter how many times he asks: whether or not a …
Breaking: Pope on balcony just to hack a dart
VATICAN CITY – Gathering in the thousands to hear him speak, parishioners were disappointed this Good Friday when Pope Francis came out on to the papal balcony just to open up a pack of Bel…
Pope denounces inhumane death penalty in favour of endless demonic torture
VATICAN CITY – Changing the Catholic Church’s position on capital punishment, Pope Francis has denounced the death penalty as inhumane and unacceptable in all cases, recommending instead ev…
Pope Francis makes Taco Bell a sin after spending all morning in bathroom
VATICAN CITY- Officially recognized by the Catholic church as of this morning; the sale, consumption, or creation of any Taco Bell products will now be considered a mortal sin on par with murder …
Pope remains champion at annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating contest
VATICAN CITY – Consuming a record 87 pancakes in under 20 minutes, Pope Francis has retained his championship title for the fourth year in a row at the annual Shrove Tuesday pancake eating …
Saguenay city council retaliates against SC ruling by spiking water supply with Holy Water
SAGUENAY – The secular community was up in arms Wednesday after discovering the council had passed a motion to mix Holy Water with the city’s main water supply to ‘bless the heathens living in si…
Christians celebrate sacred resurrection of church attendance
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Millions of Christians across the world from all sects are celebrating the miraculous resurrection of church attendance today. Pews were packed with the reluctant faithf…