PHILADELPHIA – Following the Philadelphia Flyers’ morning skate, coach John Tortorella held a press conference to detail his hatred for press conferences. “I asked you all to come her…
Tag: NHL
Fuck it, let’s do some Connor McDavid trade proposals to see how mad they make Oilers fans
The Edmonton Oilers suck. And not just how they’ve usually sucked for most of our lives. This was a team considered to be a Stanley Cup favourite by every NHL analyst who forgot that goalte…
“The wisest people are those that admit when they are wrong,” says man ready to acknowledge that William Nylander is good
TORONTO – Local man Mark Williamson has found the courage within himself to admit that, despite his previous claims, William Nylander is actually one of the best players on the Maple Leafs.…
NHL creates audience for its new NFTs by banning helmets
NEW YORK – In addition to unveiling its own line of official NFTs, the National Hockey League has announced plans to attract player investment by phasing out protective helmets. “We’re encouragi…
You fucking Leafs fans still think I’m the worst Defenceman you’ve ever seen?
By Justin Holl Well well well, look how quickly that shit fucking changed didn’t it you platinum seat suit wearing fucks? For the past 3 years all I’ve heard from you Wendel Clark lov…
Should the Leafs be worried about Auston Matthews’ assist drought?
TORONTO – Hockey insiders are starting to raise alarm bells about Auston Matthews inability to put up assists early in the 2023-2024 NHL season. “Yeah yeah it’s early, but 0 ass…
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
Another NHL season is almost upon us, but if you can’t wait to see your team play – or if you’re desperate for money – the preseason can give you your fix. Some people say preseason hockey is bor…
Toxic Actions of Toxic Coach of Toxic Sport in Toxic League exposed by Toxic Host of Toxic Podcast on Toxic Website
COLUMBUS – Sports media was buzzing yesterday as Mike Babock, who has a reputation for doing incredibly toxic things in his role as a hockey coach, resigned following allegations of more pr…
Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year
OTTAWA – Local Senators fan Morgan Horowitz is pretty sure that his confident proclamations that this is the year the Senators achieve team success won’t make him look like an absolut…
“The Leafs re-signing their best player is bad for them actually,” says brilliant hockey sage
TORONTO – The Leafs and franchise centre Auston Matthews have agreed to a 4 year, 53 million dollar contract extension in a move that numerous experts on twitter and reddit believe has doom…