TORONTO – Canada’s fourth-worst person, Conrad Black, is celebrating alone after receiving a pardon from America’s worst individual, their president. “If being the worst is a crime,” Trump told r…
Tag: National Post
Motives of man who clearly stated his motives unclear
TORONTO – In the aftermath of the deadly Toronto van attack that left 10 dead and 14 injured, journalists and commentators have failed to uncover a motive for the senseless actions of the p…
Andrew Scheer distances himself from The Rebel, will go ahead with op-ed in Eugenics Quarterly
OTTAWA – Following the website’s involvement in the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, Conservative party leader Andrew Scheer has decided to cut ties with The Rebel, planning instead to publi…
National Post columnist retires to spend more time being snide with his family
TORONTO – After a long, fulfilling career as a screed-writer for one of Canada’s newspapers of note, columnist Eustace Tibbs has retired to spend more time disparaging his children. “I’m fo…
Margaret Wente now required to submit columns through Turnitin.com
TORONTO – Faced with new allegations of plagiarism, Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente will now be required to submit all of her work to the student essay checking service Turnitin.com…
BREAKING: Tax dollars being used to pay Trudeau children’s allowances
OTTAWA – An investigative report has unearthed that the weekly allowances of Xavier and Ella Trudeau are currently being paid using taxpayer funds. “Daddy said I get a whole $5 to spend eac…
50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly…
Tory scientists discover new base instinct to appeal to
OTTAWA – After years of research into the human species’ most contemptible tendencies, a group of Conservative Party researchers have come across an entirely new kind of loathsomeness to ex…