OTTAWA – During his daily COVID-19 press briefing, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau urged Canadians to wear a mask when talking to others since it prevents them from “breathing or speaking moi…
Tag: justin trudeau
Trudeau airs a coronavirus update rerun, to see if anyone notices
OTTAWA – After several weeks of daily broadcast addresses on the government’s coronavirus response, Prime Minister Trudeau today decided to re-air a previous clip to see if Canadians would …
Nation’s hamsters shockingly indifferent to global pandemic
OTTAWA – In a surprising display that no one could have predicted, pet hamsters across Canada have shown an incredible lack of interest in the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite Prime Minister Just…
Canadian government scolds citizens for not fully embracing its half-measures
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has made it clear he is very disappointed in members of the Canadian public for not electing to do everything they can to stop the spread of COVID-19,…
Canada announces it will exclusively import COVID-19 from US
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that all forms of coronavirus coming from outside from the country must come from American citizens. “Today, we are announcing that an…
Breaking: All the news happening all at once
EARTH – According to reports from every single human being’s television, social media and worried mothers, all the news is currently happening right now. “I took a 10 minute shower and when…
Trudeau: We must acknowledge the sacred sovereignty of Canada’s oil and gas companies
OTTAWA – Calling for calm amid protests over the construction of a pipeline through Wet’suwet’en territory, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reminding Canadians of the sacred an…
Trudeau slides into African Union’s DMs
ADDIS ABABA – A flirtatious Justin Trudeau has slid into the DMs of the African Union’s Instagram account while on a charm offensive throughout the continent. “Heeeeey, you seem familiar, d…
PM causes economy to crash by purchasing doughnuts from local business instead of Brazilian investment firm
WINNIPEG – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has obliterated the Canadian economy by purchasing doughnuts at a local business instead of the country’s largest chain of quick service restaurants…
Conservatives sure party members who supported Scheer and Bernier last time will now choose a centrist leader with mass appeal
OTTAWA – As the Conservative Party leadership contest officially gets underway party insiders expressed confidence that the same members who last time supported libertarian, racist uncle Ma…
