Syria – Earlier this morning newly appointed ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi was at a loss for which tie to wear on his first day, reportedly standing in front of the mirror …
Tag: ISIS
ISIS claims responsibility for Ezra Levant
TORONTO – The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for Ezra Levant, a source has confirmed. “Ezra Levant, soldier of the Islamic State, will continue to divide Canadians against one ano…
Faith healer Trudeau tours country performing miracle of restoring his popularity
HAMILTON – Worshipers flocked to town halls across the country to watch faith healer Justin Trudeau perform the miraculous healing of his damaged reputation. “Ladies and gentlemen, I was in…
To avoid politicizing tragedy, Republicans suggest debating gun control once America goes a week without a gun death
Luke and the Panel (Aisha Brown, Tim Rabnett and Aaron Hagey-MacKay) discuss the absurdity of the ‘don’t politicize this issue’ point after the tragedy in Las Vegas (2:30), why …
Slacktivism Defeats ISIS
“Thank you, thank all of you”…
Aleppo residents just feel super bad your favourite celebrities died in 2016
ALEPPO, SYRIA – Residents of the war-torn city of Aleppo in Syria, who have this past year become the victims of further atrocities in the form of random civilian executions, are strongly e…
ISIS claims responsibility after Saleem’s home-brewed IPA tastes like crap
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Just hours after Saleem cracked the first bottle of his home-brewed ‘Malternative Hop’ IPA, the international terrorist organization ISIS has claimed responsibility and pr…
ISIS takes credit after Saleem accidentally totals Dave’s car
MISSISSAUGA, ON – The Islamic State-affiliated news agency has released a bulletin claiming responsibility, after Saleem accidentally totaled Dave’s car on the way home from sushi last nigh…
World just going to take a nap until the bad stuff goes away
EARTH – The entire population of the planet has announced this week that it intends to simply lie down for a little nap until all the evil, violent, and hate-filled things that occur daily disapp…
ISIS releases kill list, accompanied by fuck, marry lists
OTTAWA – According to intelligence agencies, terror organization ISIS has released a list of 151 Canadians they want killed, along with two separate lists of people they want to fuck and ma…