WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to sources, Hillary Clinton reportedly came off well during a chance encounter with the United States of America in the cafe they used to frequent together. It …
Tag: Hillary Clinton
Major security breach: Donald Trump’s personal phone is an outdated Fisher-Price model
This is major: after a campaign that focused relentlessly on Hillary Clinton’s use of an unsecured email server, it has now come to light that the president’s phone is an outdated Fisher-Price mo…
Russian influence called into question after entire White House staff found wearing tracksuits
WASHINGTON – Russian influence over the White House is once again being called into question, after high-ranking members of staff were seen sporting new tracksuits. In response to the accusations…
The Donald Trump apocalypse begins
In this special preview of The Beaverton‘s first episode, Emma Hunter and Miguel Rivas provide complete coverage of the 2016 Presidential election. Donald Trump has won the Presidenc…
Nation’s parents wake up to tell kids elaborate, four-year lie
WASHINGTON, DC – After waking up and fretting this morning’s conversation at the breakfast table, approximately 150 million American parents stammered their way through roughly the exact sa…
Armed poll-watcher forgets to vote
ASHE COUNTY, NC – After spending a full 13 hours standing next to his local polling station holding an AR-15, Arliss Connaught has suddenly realized that he forgot to vote. “Well shoot,” sa…
After record ratings, CNN renews 2016 U.S. election for second season
ATLANTA – Only one day before the season finale CNN has announced it is renewing the 2016 presidential election for a second season in 2017. “Although American Democracy has been a tv insti…
3rd Amendment warrior warns Clinton will quarter soldiers in private homes without owner’s consent
Mobile, Alabama – 3rd Amendment values voter Rusty Scofield warns that Hillary Clinton secretly plans to abolish the US Constitution’s 3rd Amendment, in order to house soldiers in citizen’s…
Journalists criticize Clinton for not moderating debate
Hempstead, NY – Following the first debate of the 2016 United States presidential race, members of the media are furious that Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton for failing to moderate the …
Trump assures nation his lungs ‘filled with the best fluids’
WASHINGTON, D.C – Reacting to the news that Hillary Clinton has been diagnosed with pneumonia after fainting, Republican nominee Donald Trump has taken the opportunity to boast about his pu…