EDMONTON – Alberta’s experiment with private healthcare delivery is already paying off, as the system is generating scandals at a rate unheard of by the province’s public-facing healthcare system…
Tag: healthcare
Ford to execute first prisoner by using Ontario healthcare system
LONDON, ON – After Premier Doug Ford was recorded joking about bringing back the death penalty, he has since confirmed that not only will he follow through with the idea, but he is already …
Problematic but brilliant doctor who plays by his own rules will put your new liver where he damn well pleases
TORONTO – Renegade doctor Lance Falcon is shocking the medical establishment with his brilliant but wildly unorthodox thoughts on where your new liver should go, according to dazzled reporters. “…
Québec language inspectors check that patients are dying in French
MONTRÉAL – The government of Québec has confirmed that inspectors from the Office Québécois de la Langue Française have been monitoring conversations at a local hospital to ensure that pati…
Opinion: Why do we need a cure for diabetes when I don’t have it?
Brandon, Manitoba – Millions of Canadians live with diabetes, and the Government of Canada has spent billions on diabetes research and treatment. But here’s what I don’t understand: Why do we nee…
Optometrists finally admit there is no difference between one and two
Welland, ON – In a big win for optometry patients around the country, the nation’s eye doctors have finally come clean, admitting there is no difference between lens number one and lens number tw…
Conservatives explain why we need private healthcare
As more Conservative lead provinces move towards a two tier healthcare system despite Universal Healthcare being extremely popular with Canadians, we asked some politicians why the move was neces…
Hospitals to fight critical staffing shortage by declaring that all PhDs are “that kind of doctor” now
OTTAWA – In an effort to combat the national doctor shortage crippling many provincial healthcare systems, hospitals across Canada have declared that all PhD holders, regardless of field, a…
Doug Ford announces 50% of all Ontario surgeries will now be done by his buddy Steve
TORONTO – In an effort to reduce wait times for surgeries in the province of Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has announced that as many as half of all surgeries will now be handled by his good b…
Ford unsure if he should sell Ontario healthcare system to Loblaws, Tim Hortons, or Nestlé
QUEEN’S PARK – As Premier Doug Ford announces that he will expand surgeries available at for-profit clinics, insiders report he is still deciding which megacorporation to eventually sell On…