In these difficult times, many are struggling to maintain good mental health in the face of social isolation and economic uncertainty. Health experts warn that it’s important to make time and spa…
Tag: Health Canada
Egregious: Health Canada refuses to approve Dr. Cornelius Phineus Jedidiah’s Magic COVID Elixir
OTTAWA – Despite the continued threat of a pandemic, Health Canada continues to refuse Dr. Cornelius Phineas Jedidah’s Magic COVID Elixir as an approved drug. “Those bureaucrats don’t want …
Mask-wearing woman rehearses judgmental glare before taking public transit
VANCOUVER — Weeks after a mandatory mask policy was put in place on public transit, 35 year-old Devon McCarthy was fed up with people refusing to comply. After glaring judgmentally at maskless pe…
Health Canada orders all people to wear full-body costumes from the Masked Singer when out in public
OTTAWA – In the midst of many provinces reopening parts of their cities during the COVID-19 pandemic, federal health officials have mandated that anyone attending a public business must wear an e…
Following social distancing rules toughest for Canadians trapped in a human centipede
A CRAZY DOCTOR’S LABORATORY – As various levels of government continue to advise Canadians to follow social distancing rules, officials admit that this can be very challenging for some, lik…
Health Canada asks Canadians to at least brush their teeth, for God’s sake
OTTAWA – Amid the current worldwide shutdown leading to the majority of Canadian citizens practicing self-isolation in their homes, Health Canada has urged people to at the very least consider br…
Breaking: All the news happening all at once
EARTH – According to reports from every single human being’s television, social media and worried mothers, all the news is currently happening right now. “I took a 10 minute shower and when…
Health Canada warns that vaping fuckin’ sick
OTTAWA – Following several reports of vaping-related illnesses and deaths across North America, Health Canada has issued a strongly worded warning aimed at young people, informing them that…
Health agency brings back smallpox to teach everyone an important lesson about vaccination
WINNIPEG – The Public Health Agency of Canada has announced that it has reintroduced the deadly and highly infectious smallpox virus back into the human population so everyone learns the ha…
Intermittent fasting championed by miserable, starving man
REGINA – This week, local accountant Jeffrey Higgins announced to family and friends that yes, intermittent fasting works, with the minor side effect of a hellish existence. “I’ve tried man…