TORONTO – After a massive nationwide outage left people without internet, cable or phone for 24 hours or longer Rogers Communications Inc. reiterated how sorry it was and promised that ever…
Tag: Featured Post
Juraj Slafkovský excited to play in front of Montreal’s famously patient and understanding fans
MONTREAL – After being selected first overall in the 2022 NHL draft, 18-year-old Slovakian left winger Juraj Slafkovský is thrilled by the opportunity to play for Montreal’s serene hockey …
Boris Johnson leaves yet another party disheveled and without a clue what’s going on
LONDON, UK — After numerous calls for his resignation, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has finally stumbled out of the Conservative Party despite not understanding what he did to piss everyo…
Need advice overthrowing a democratically elected government? Better Call Brad!
Paid Advertisement Have you or your family failed to win public support for violently overthrowing a Canadian government? Are you occupying a country’s capital but failing to win any sympathy bec…
Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be s…
Boyfriend blissfully unaware of how often partner weeps at his imaginary funeral
WINNIPEG – Local Jared Marshall lives a peaceful life in Manitoba; working by day, relaxing by night, all the while unaware that behind closed doors his partner weeps at the idea of his ima…
“I’m actually a mixologist,” says bartender about to charge you $27.50 for a gin and tonic
CALGARY – A bartender at a cocktail joint called the Top Hat is about to charge you an exorbitant sum for a two-ingredient drink, according to tipsy sources who are feeling ripped off. “So this …
Netflix announces final season of Stranger Things will consist of six 15-hour movies, released randomly over the next decade
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming service Netflix has not only officially announced that the hit show Stranger Things will return for its fifth and final season, but that the season will be com…
Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks
OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …
Pierre Poilievre marches in solidarity with brave part-time soldiers afraid of needles
OTTAWA – Demonstrating his support for vaccine choice, leading Conservative Party candidate Pierre Poilievre marched with a group of fired reservists who are afraid of needles. Poilievre pr…
