OTTAWA – Responding to increasing concerns over climate change, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has doubled-down on his strategy of already being deceased by the time the apocalypse fully kicks in.…
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Sport that definitely doesn’t have a racism problem suffers second racism scandal of month
CALGARY – Hockey, a sport that everyone agrees has absolutely no problem with racism and if you say otherwise you are a social justice warrior trying to stir up trouble, is currently being …
5 best pizza slices in Toronto even though you’re just going to get Pizza Pizza again
Toronto is a foodie’s delight. And as much great food as there is in the city, sometimes nothing beats a perfectly done slice of ‘za. Which is why we’ve ranked the most mouth-watering pizza slice…
Toronto police address road safety crisis by teaching pedestrians to die more discreetly
TORONTO – Facing criticism for insufficient traffic enforcement and an increase in fatalities, the Toronto Police have unveiled a new workshop series for pedestrians, showing them how to die in a…
Podcaster Don Cherry’s attempt to read MeUndies ad quickly goes off the rails
Mississauga, ON – In the midst of recording a new episode of his podcast ‘Grapevine’ host Don Cherry’s attempt to read aloud an ad for online underwear vendor MeUndies too…
Ron MacLean accidentally nods while watching Hitler speech on YouTube
OTTAWA – Hockey Night in Canada commentator Ron MacLean accidentally caught himself nodding at an old Hitler speech this week, and wants to clarify that to him, nods mean nothing. During his apol…
Having to watch Leafs play now considered cruel and unusual punishment
TORONTO – In a unanimous decision The Court Of Appeal For Ontario has declared that no individual ought to be forced to watch the 2019-2020 Leafs play, on account of the overwhelming levels…
New Toronto dating app replaces first date with moving in together to save on rent
TORONTO – In a crowded dating-app marketplace that includes Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and OK Cupid, a new app has emerged that is marketed specifically toward Toronto singles looking to co-hab…
New ISIS Leader torn between striped tie and paisley tie for first day
Syria – Earlier this morning newly appointed ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi was at a loss for which tie to wear on his first day, reportedly standing in front of the mirror …
Man voted 7th greatest Canadian of all time says 845th racist thing
TORONTO – Donald ‘Grapes’ Cherry, a failed hockey coach and current hockey commentator who Canadians saw fit to vote as the 7th greatest Canadian of all time, is under fire for saying a rac…
