Editorial by President Donald Trump This is an open letter to my wife, Melania Trump. You’ve left me with no other option, since I don’t know where you are in the house and I think you have me mu…
Tag: Donald Trump
Trump eager to turn away Syrian refugees he’s currently creating
WASHINGTON — After calling for airstrikes on three government sites in Syria, President Trump is reportedly most excited about the prospect of denying refugee status to the untold Syrian ci…
Trump fires teenagers investigating his old haunted amusement park
ATLANTIC CITY — While investigating a reportedly-haunted amusement park, four local teen sleuths and their crime-solving great dane had their case halted by an unlikely source: current Pres…
Vladimir Putin suspected of colluding with Russians to win election
MOSCOW – In a victory speech today, Vladimir Putin staunchly denied any collusion with Russians to aid his campaign, allegations which have cast a dark shadow on his decisive 4th election w…
Local man still unaware late night TV hosts are powerless to prevent authoritarian takeover
PORTLAND, OR – After basking in the righteousness of another blistering monologue by Stephen Colbert, local liberal Moe Shuster remained blissfully unaware that comedic barbs will do nothin…
Poll: 70% of Canadians just happy Trump only threatening a trade war at this point
OTTAWA – A new poll by Angus Reid has found that the vast majority of Canadians, while upset about Trump’s proposed tariffs, are still pretty relieved he hasn’t declared actual war by now. …
New security clearance policy requires Jared Kushner to hold hands with secret service agent at all times
WASHINGTON D.C. – White House Chief of Staff John Kelly has officially announced that Jared Kushner will only be granted security clearance if he promises to hold the hand of the secret service a…
Trudeau invests in Confederate Soldier’s uniform for next visit to White House
OTTAWA – After being photographed in a traditional sherwani on his trip to India, Justin Trudeau is committing to dressing for his surroundings by purchasing an authentic Confederate soldier’s un…
Trump announces plan to arm firefighters with fire
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a bid to put an end to the longstanding epidemic of random fires breaking out across the nation, President Trump has put forward a bold plan to combat them by arming firefigh…
Trump insists only way to stop a bad mentally ill guy with a gun is a good mentally ill guy with a gun
Parkland, Florida – While visiting with survivors of the tragic school shooting in Florida, President Trump refused to call for gun control, and instead assured Americans, “the only thing t…
