TORONTO – James Brennan, head of programming for TSN, is so desperate for some kind of sport to show the nation that he is just going to start playing full games of his high school hockey t…
Tag: covid-19
Following social distancing rules toughest for Canadians trapped in a human centipede
A CRAZY DOCTOR’S LABORATORY – As various levels of government continue to advise Canadians to follow social distancing rules, officials admit that this can be very challenging for some, lik…
Women rejoice as men mandated to stay 6ft away
TORONTO – As a result of COVID-19 social distancing women are rejoicing as men have been required to stay at least 6 ft away. Relieved to have some downtime from cat-calling Craig’s, lurkin…
Conservatives worry federal benefits may discourage some Canadians from going back to indentured servitude
OTTAWA – As the federal government pleads with Canadians to continue respecting pandemic measures, the opposition Conservatives are warning that emergency aid could discourage some Canadian…
Saskatchewan reopens just as local woman finishes disastrous DIY haircut
SASKATOON – The government of Saskatchewan declared the province officially reopened for business today, moments after resident Ilana Shaw finished giving herself the worst haircut of all t…
Trump frankly disappointed more haven’t died yet
WASHINGTON D.C. — During his latest briefing on the deadly coronavirus pandemic, a frustrated President Trump admitted to reporters that he is “actually kind of annoyed” that the death toll…
Canada Post overwhelmed by volume of wistful love-letters sent to nation’s eyebrow estheticians
OTTAWA – As a result of COVID-19 public safety measures, thousands of salons nationwide have closed down. Without access to regular eyebrow maintenance appointments, women have begun floodi…
Exhausted nurse can’t wait to come home to neighbourhood kids banging on pots and pans for five minutes straight
WINDSOR – Exhausted nurse Lucia Ramierez addressed reporters this morning to announce she simply cannot wait to come home from her sixteen hour shift, rife with tragedy, to all the neighbou…
Great news! Upstairs neighbor finally has time to work on their vocal exercises
While we’re all overwhelmed by the dreary news of a global pandemic, upstairs Vancouver neighbour Elizabeth Caza is turning Covid into “Goal-Vid!” by practicing her vocal exercises for hours! Eli…
“Humans are the real problem,” posts man who is the real problem
WINDSOR – Bartender Steve Atkins posted a picture of swans swimming in the Venice canals on Facebook yesterday with the caption, “The animals of the world are returning. Humans are the real…