SUDBURY — Amidst a global pandemic and strict social distancing rules that require Canadians to stay at home unless absolutely necessary, local housemate Mark Thomson has sure picked a hell of a …
Tag: Coronavirus
Man discerns passage of time with ripeness of bananas
LIVING ROOM – As Canada enters its third month of mandatory self isolation, local man, Max Easton, has abandoned all traditional concepts of time and has decided to discern his days using t…
Trump frankly disappointed more haven’t died yet
WASHINGTON D.C. — During his latest briefing on the deadly coronavirus pandemic, a frustrated President Trump admitted to reporters that he is “actually kind of annoyed” that the death toll…
Doug Ford rattles bars on cell as imposter continues to competently manage COVID-19 pandemic
TORONTO – An increasingly enraged Premier Doug Ford has taken to shaking the bars on his cage as he is forced to watch an imposter competently manage Ontario’s COVID-19 pandemic respo…
Health workers agree being called a hero more effective than personal protective equipment
TORONTO – As COVID-19 continues to spread around the world, many hospitals are experiencing severe shortages of personal protective equipment needed to shield health care workers from the virus. …
Protester holding “Live Free or Die” sign excited to do both
Olympia, WA — As a participant in the protests against COVID related stay-at-home orders, conservative Tyler Loftis held a “Live Free or Die” sign to show his excitement to do both. “Governor Jay…
God tests positive for COVID-19 after church services continue
HEAVEN – After religious groups have continued to go to church despite warnings about large public gatherings, The Almighty One has contracted COVID-19. “At first I thought I just had a sor…
Deformed sourdough unceremoniously buried under the cover of night
Orillia, ON – What began as one quarantined woman’s attempt at bringing yet another sourdough bread into the world, has ended in tragedy as the severely disfigured loaf is currently being u…
“We need to open up the economy and get back to work,” says COVID-19
FLORIDA – Thousands of protestors took to the streets in the United States this past weekend to demand that social distancing rules end and people be allowed to return to work, including CO…
Bank CEO reassures worried Canadians: “I’m going to be okay”
TORONTO – As the economic impact of the COVID-19 crisis devastates Canadian household finances, Royal Bank President and CEO David McKay reassured the nation: “I want you all to know in this diff…
