CAPE BRETON REGIONAL MUNICIPALITY – In a surprise move, the residents of Cape Breton island in Nova Scotia have announced that as early as next year, Cape Breton will have its own small and…
Tag: Canada
Aides explaining to confused Trudeau how unpopular leader dropped re-election bid
OTTAWA – Aides to Prime Minister Trudeau have reportedly spent several hours attempting to explain how Joe Biden, a similarly left-leaning incumbent with low polling numbers, actually willi…
Federal government announces O Canada will now begin with 15 seconds of unskippable ads
OTTAWA – The federal government has announced that, beginning on January 1, 2025, all renditions of O Canada played anywhere in the country will be required to start with 15 seconds of unsk…
Canada looks to break humiliating 106-year South American soccer championship drought
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. – The Canadian men’s national soccer team plays Argentina in the Copa America semi-final tonight, as Canada looks to end its pathetic century-long title drought in South Ame…
5 tips for acting like you know what you’re talking about while watching Canada-Argentina
It’s the biggest men’s soccer match in Canadian history tonight, as Canada takes on World Champions Argentina in the semi-finals of the Copa America. And that means thousands, possibl…
Canadian man reading date never knows which is day and which is month unless day is above 12
KITCHENER – Local man Dalton Strickland, whose data entry job regularly requires him to read dates off a form and put them into a computer, literally never knows which date is the day and w…
Poilievre promises if elected, climate change will be the least of our worries
OTTAWA – Facing criticism for not having any plans to combat the climate crisis, opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has promised that if he becomes Prime Minister, “the country will b…
New Canadian Olympic uniforms made from real Alberta beef
VANCOUVER – The Canadian Olympic Committee and the Canadian Paralympic Committee have partnered with the Alberta Beef Council to unveil the new athlete kits for the Paris 2024 Summer Olympi…
New Tim Hortons pizza made with 100% Canadian cardboard
OAKVILLE, ON – Heralding its new offerings as the culmination of nine years of intense laboratory research, Tim Hortons president Axel Schwan proudly announced that the franchise’s new line…
Canada suffering productivity crisis, says government that does nothing
OTTAWA – Canada is in the midst of a severe productivity crisis, warns a report from Canada’s federal government, who also does jack shit. “This is an issue that cannot be ignored,” said a …
