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Tag: Astrology
Here’s What Vaccine You Are Based on Your Zodiac Sign!
Vaccine season is finally here! Have you ever wondered which big pharma company made the perf vaccine for your astrological sign? We did hella research and here’s what we found out: Aries, Leo,…
Number of Astrology apps on woman’s phone reaches critical mass
BURNABY, BC – A local woman’s interest in her natal chart recently turned dangerous when the number of astrology apps on her phone reached critical mass. Skye Davis, 23, reported recently t…
Woman successfully beats murder rap using “Mercury in retrograde” defence
TORONTO – In a landmark ruling yesterday, 31-year-old Robin Whitewood was declared not guilty of the first-degree murder of her roommate Sharon after her lawyer successfully argued that Whitewood…
BREAKING: Leo and Pisces on date
THUNDER BAY, ON – Locals are in an uproar with sightings of known Pisces Savana Jennings and Patrick Alaster – a Leo – going on a date. “When we found out that Savana had asked …
REPORT: Earth in Retrograde
TORONTO – When Mercury is in retrograde, it appears as though the planet closest to the sun is orbiting the Earth backwards. This phenomenon has become a catchall explanation for why people…
Intelligence Agencies allege Russian campaign to disseminate fake horoscopes
WASHINGTON D.C. – Former CIA Director John Brennan briefed members of Congress this morning, alleging a massive cyber disinformation campaign waged by Russia to circulate misleading and eve…
Wine-drunk aunt tries to guess whether your handsome friend is Leo or Taurus
Oakville, ON — At last Sunday’s backyard barbecue, family and friends bore witness to Aunt Sheila’s chardonnay-fuelled inquisition into whether your handsome friend Daniel is a Leo or…
Local man suffers devastating loss of erection after girlfriend explains Zodiac compatibility
Cornwall, ON – The burgeoning relationship between Monica Carlstrom and Brent Sherway has been progressing steadily until 8 pm last night when tragedy struck. The couple was about to become intim…