WATERLOO, ON – Quantum physicist Agnes Chevrier announced in a press conference today that not only has she invented time travel, but she had already achieved her purpose in inventing it, w…
Tag: 2016
Barron Trump poised to coast into “smartest son” position
WASHINGTON D.C. – In yet another shift in Donald Trump’s tumultuous administration, young Barron Trump appears set to coast into the role of smartest son to the president of the United Stat…
Don’t Judge Too Fast: this county only voted Trump so the Everkromm Tree would give their children back
Gasslin County, West Virginia must be full of bigots, because they overwhelmingly voted for Donald Trump in the 2016 election, right? Not so fast. In 2008 and 2012, over 60% of the county voted f…
2016’s dead music icons form unlistenable supergroup in Heaven
HEAVEN – Boasting a lineup that includes some of the greatest talent of the 20th and 21st centuries, the deceased music icons of 2016 debuted a new supergroup in the afterlife this week wit…
Aleppo residents just feel super bad your favourite celebrities died in 2016
ALEPPO, SYRIA – Residents of the war-torn city of Aleppo in Syria, who have this past year become the victims of further atrocities in the form of random civilian executions, are strongly e…
BREAKING: Standing Rock protesters win anti-pipeline victory, ruining 2016’s perfect misery streak
STANDING ROCK, ND — The Army Corp of Engineers has announced they will deny permits for the Dakota Access Pipeline, representing a victory for the Standing Rock protesters and a lone bright…
Merriam-Webster 2016 Word-of-the-Year: “Fuuuuuuuuuuck”
SPRINGFIELD, MA – The dictionary editors at Merriam-Webster have found that the most used word of 2016 was “fuuuuuuuuuuuuck”, followed closely by “Fuckfuckfuck”, “Jesus-Fucking-Christ”, and…