Jen’s dating life totally inconsiderate, says ‘completely platonic’ roommate Darren
TORONTO – Darren Santos, year-long roommate to Jennifer Richards, has finally had enough of the co-ed’s active dating life. “She’s a great girl, but it’s getting to be a bit much,” said San…
Four bankers killed after giant novelty cheque bounces
MISSISSAUGA, ON – After receiving a deposit from a charity golf tournament, four Bank of Montreal employees found out the endorser had insufficient funds the hard way. Two tellers, a mortgage con…
Prince Harry outraged by nude pics of Kate, barely able to masturbate to them
LONDON – Sources within Buckingham Palace have revealed that Prince Harry, currently third in line to the throne, has been so appalled and devastated by the recently leaked pictures of sist…
Time traveller mocked by future people for vestigial organs
WINDSOR, ON – 72-year-old time traveller Jack Prentice, recently returned from a voyage into the future whose goal was to discover the mystery of human development, called a press conferenc…
Everybody wants that shirt off
By Big House Barry To the business woman I kept seeing in the park: Heyyyy baby. What you sayin’ girl? …Oh, I see, you’re too busy with what’s in that little pocket robot of yours. All full of ph…
Rookie cop throws up like a bitch
TORONTO – In a show of total lameness, officer Danny Preston found he was unable to control his woman-like stomach at the scene of a triple-homicide cult-killing yesterday afternoon. “…
New father looking forward to son living in his shadow
SASKATOON, SK – Beaming new father Jack LaSalle was delighted to announce the birth of his son to the world, and said he was “really looking forward to seeing him spend most, if not all, of…
Arizona woman’s uterus convicted of manslaughter after miscarriage
PHOENIX, ARIZONA – Under the state’s recently passed Women’s Health and Safety Act, an Arizona woman’s uterus was convicted of manslaughter yesterday after miscarrying 3 weeks i…
