Armed poll-watcher forgets to vote

ASHE COUNTY, NC – After spending a full 13 hours standing next to his local polling station holding an AR-15, Arliss Connaught has suddenly realized that he forgot to vote. “Well shoot,” sa…

Quiz: what life defining emotional baggage will you give your children?

Good parents and bad parents both have one thing in common: They both ruin their child’s life with emotional baggage. It’s inevitable. Use our handy quiz to find out exactly what you …

Samsung-Volkswagen partnership will see recalled cars set alight with recalled phones

Black Rock Desert, NV — Two global brands facing separate multi-billion dollar faulty product crises are teaming up to address their problems with a unique sponsorship plan.  Under the agre…

Expectant father just hoping for ten fingers, ten toes, one penis

FLIN FLON, MB – When local father-to-be Ron Martin was asked whether he was hoping for a boy or a girl, he gave his standard response. “I only want it to be healthy,” he said in a recent in…

Rachel Notley caught in yet another scandal

  Beleaguered Alberta premier Rachel Notley has been accused of even more misconduct. The Beaverton‘s Laura Cilevitz travelled to Calgary to speak with a number of outraged Albertans.…

After record ratings, CNN renews 2016 U.S. election for second season

ATLANTA – Only one day before the season finale CNN has announced it is renewing the 2016 presidential election for a second season in 2017. “Although American Democracy has been a tv insti…

Pizza Hut unveils pizza stuffed with better company’s pizza

VAUGHAN, ON – After months of speculation by industry insiders and the public alike, Pizza Hut debuted its latest menu item this week, a pizza stuffed with a better company’s pizza. “The ne…

US, world holds its breath with uncertain Yukon election results

WHITEHORSE – With the outcome far from certain in the Yukon territorial election on November 7th, other nations across the globe have been increasingly anxious about who will become Premier…

Labour market experts say precariously employed youth should consider organ trade

OTTAWA — Labour market experts are advising precariously employed youth to look into alternative streams of income such as the illegal international organ trade to ensure they enjoy a similar lev…

Manitoba acquires the good parts of Minneapolis

WINNIPEG – The Manitoba government has acquired the nicer areas of Minneapolis for roughly $3 billion US. Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister made the announcement of the land purchase from th…