CBC purchases $1.2 million helicopter to cover more feel-good Syrian refugee stories
TORONTO – The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation has announced the recent purchase of a $1.2 million Bell 206 helicopter to meet the public’s demand for heartwarming stories about Syrian ref…
Honest Ed’s condo developer promises to maintain character of community with even worse puns
TORONTO – Honest Ed’s, the Toronto discount shopping institution, will shut its doors today after 68 years. As the neighbourhood mourns its loss, the builders responsible for the redevelopm…
Canadian Man Responds To Mean Tweets: BeavFeed
Online bullying has got to stop!…
Back-up toque promoted to first string following loss of star toque
MONTREAL — Formerly a fourth string benchwarmer in Steve’s winter hat roster, a plain black toque has been bumped up to starting player following the loss of a beloved red beanie. The black toque…
Man clipping his toenails at work suddenly realizes entire rest of UN looking at him
GENEVA – After spending 10 minutes carefully cutting his toenails on his desk, Elbio Rosselli, the Permanent Representative of Uruguay to the United Nations, suddenly realized that the enti…
90% of local man’s texts just Rogers alerts
BARRIE – Local man Aarav Verma has done the math and determined that 9 out of every 10 texts he receives are notifications from his cell phone carrier about potential deals in his area. “I …
How To: make maple syrup
Your fingers will get sticky just WATCHING this video. Educational Content Time!…
Man successfully saves on Ontario hydro bill by becoming Amish
Norwich, ON – High hydro bills are a thing of the past for one man who turned off every light in his house, rejected all forms of modernity, and joined a local Amish community. “I tried eve…
Autocorrected text results in mob boss ordering “massage” killing
MONTREAL – The convicted head of an organized crime syndicate in Montreal has been found responsible for ordering the murder of a rival gang member who died after sustaining multiple massag…
2016’s dead music icons form unlistenable supergroup in Heaven
HEAVEN – Boasting a lineup that includes some of the greatest talent of the 20th and 21st centuries, the deceased music icons of 2016 debuted a new supergroup in the afterlife this week wit…
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