Cool aunt now appropriating Asian culture

PETERBOROUGH, ON – After five months of yoga and Bhagavad Gita quotes that she read online, Aunt Deborah has now begun to misappropriate cultural elements from various east Asian societies,…

New York Times lists Canada as No. 1 place to boost their web traffic when mentioned

NEW YORK CITY – Citing our country’s friendly, yet susceptible people and our natural insecurity, The New York Times has described Canada as the number one country in the world to surge the…

The Beaverton apologizes for anti-Brad Wall tweet where we called him ‘a fucking fuck face’

TORONTO – The editors of the Beaverton offer our deepest regrets to Saskatchewan Prime Minister Brad Wall for our recent tweet where we called him a “fucking fuck face.” “Obviously things g…

Slacktivism Defeats ISIS

  “Thank you, thank all of you”…

New 2TB thumb drive allows users to store, misplace lifetime of memories

Fountain Valley, CA – Kingston Technology has developed a 2TB flash drive which can store a lifetime worth of memories before users misplace it somewhere in their house or at work. The Data…

Quiz: How will you be complicit in the death of western democracy?

We all know that western democracy is dying, and that we all are complicit in its demise. But there are so many ways we as humans are contributing to the downfall of the modern world, it can be h…

Vancouver’s use of organic salt-alternative for sidewalks backfires

VANCOUVER – The City of Vancouver’s plan to use a more environmentally friendly alternative to salt has not been effective at reducing the ice that still coats most of the municipality’s si…

Breaking: douchebag facebook friend to run for Conservative Party Leader

Sydney, N.S. – Ending months of speculation and rumour, that annoyingly conservative guy from your facebook who you went to school with has announced that he will indeed run to be leader of…

Cure for cancer? These doctors eradicate cancer cells using only scalpels, radiation, and chemotherapy

Big news: using only traditional methods like scalpels, radiation and chemotherapy, a group of doctors at University of Alberta have managed to cure cancer in some patients. This could save milli…

Update: People you’re trying to get away from with camping trip also have free Parks Canada passes

CANADA – Early reports indicate that every person you would dread to see on your planned escape into one of Canada’s majestic national parks this summer will also be there thanks to the fed…