Cash-strapped CBC forced to run Kellie Leitch’s ‘Dismantle the CBC’ ads

TORONTO – Trying hard to make ends meet, the CBC has agreed to allow Conservative Party leadership candidate Kellie Leitch to run two weeks worth of advertising calling for the elimination …

TTC to become #1 transit system in North America by sabotaging other cities’ transit systems

TORONTO – Andy Byford, CEO of the Toronto Transit Commission, has promised that the TTC will become North America’s premier mass transit system by the end of 2017 through large-scale sabotage of …

Jimmy Fallon/Donald Trump lip sync battle draws mixed reactions at Golden Globes

BEVERLY HILLS – Tonight’s 74th annual Golden Globes award ceremony experienced an awkward hiccup earlier tonight when host Jimmy Fallon introduced a surprise guest, president-elect Donald T…

Ultra-hip new restaurant revealed to be just stalled escalator

TORONTO—An “amazing” new restaurant which has been delighting patrons since its surprise opening two weeks ago has been revealed to be merely a stalled escalator in the middle of a downtown comme…

Anyone local man disagrees with considered ‘mainstream media’

HALIBURTON, ON – Whether it be a public broadcaster, a crowdfunded investigative journalist’s website, a local news station, or a privately-owned newspaper of note, any source local man Bre…

SeaWorld orca commits suicide by cop

ORLANDO, FL – After thirty-three years in prison, a daring escape, and a high-speed chase, SeaWorld’s prize orca, Tilikum, has committed suicide-by-cop, rather than return to his maximum se…

Four Seasons Centre for the Performing Arts to be renamed Axe Body Spray Fuck Dome

TORONTO – In a move that has caught local patrons off-guard, the Canadian Opera Company and multinational giant Unilever have agreed to a surprise, six-year partnership that will see the Four Sea…

Canadians answer Friends trivia and one of them may be a werewolf: BeavFeed

  The one where our sound guy gets devoured.…

Thousands of Quebec women gather at vigil for discontinued “Bold Burgundy #188”

MONTREAL — Thousands of women gathered in downtown Montreal today to mourn the loss of legendary Féria hair colour, “Bold Burgundy #188”. The candlelight vigil, organized by local salon own…

Guide To: The Giant Man In The Ice

  We obviously know you’ve already seen all the global coverage on this, but we thought we’d do it too.…